she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
