did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
