I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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