Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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