Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
