man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's like iHOP with fire
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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