He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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