I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
