I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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