Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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