my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
