i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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