i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
