Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
