oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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