Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
