it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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