I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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