Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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