I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
