We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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