its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
