Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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