i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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