pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
