ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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