I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
