Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
