So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
