he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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