This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
