i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
