you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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