you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
