he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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