So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
