I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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