2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
