Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
