went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
