So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
