It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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