Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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