Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
