No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
