I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
