My cat gives me a boner
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
