We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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