Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
