you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
