She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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