is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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