Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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