Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
