do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
