goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just invented taco cereal.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
