I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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