and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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