You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
