you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
