Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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