wanna go halves on a baby?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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