you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
