She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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