i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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