I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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