sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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