dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
