I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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