so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
