I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
