Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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