I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
