Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
