I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
