I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
