i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
