Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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