So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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