May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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