4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
